Weird feelings

I don't know what has been up with me today. Or for that matter, what has been up with me lately in general. Being in this strange situation has turned me somewhat anti-social. Instead of continuing to pursue friendships I have taken a liking to being alone... well, not necessarily a liking, but I'm exhausted from this process already. And I can't stop thinking about this visa. The website says it can take up to 5 months. 5 months!!!! Think of all the things a person could do in 5 months... I think sending a letter to someone accepting their application can be done much sooner. I don't understand how their could be so many applications ahead of mine that it would take 5 months. So... maybe it won't. But I don't feel good and I won't until that stamp is in my passport. I'm tired of walking around as a tourist. I want that stamp. I want to be official. I'm tired of the stress and worry.

I like this song writer Sufjan Stevens... but I've been avoiding listening to his music because I really got into it while I was in Alabama before I left. I don't think I've cried more listening to music than I have listening to his... not because it's brilliant or anything, but because I had an incredibly emotional week before leaving for Norway. I don't think you can imagine how a person feels when they have no emotional preparation time to move to another country... no visa... one of your best friend's father in law is dying... you get along with your parents... and you have to pay rent in two countries... it's overwhelming. I wasn't prepared to leave. I wanted to be sick of everything. Sick of the USA, sick of family, sick of Tallahassee, sick of Alabama... but I wasn't. I was perfectly happy with everything before I left and I think that makes it much harder. I came here alone and still feel quite alone. I haven't had the strength yet to INSIST on people being my friend... I just hate going that route. Maybe this week...

This weekend... well today... was a blow. I wanted to practice 4 hours. I sacrificed one of those hours for eating dinner with a friend... but she couldn't make it... which I found out once I got home. So here I am... in a bit of a sour mood. Yesterday I practiced this much AND cleaned Froydis' house and made 500 NOK. Yesterday was a good day. But I want more... patience. Besides practicing, today I've been watching Sixteen Candles. Perhaps I will call some family now.

Anyways, in a little while I will put of some pictures of the lake next to my apartment. Really pretty... unlike this depressing weather.